My mother-in-law and I found him on a random stop-in, and after a few pictures and a lo-o-ot of drooling, I made The Pitch to the other half. Cast iron! Working crank to change the height! Not under-$20-Ikea-quality! Luckily Nate was all in, and we were back in the store with a few saved up gift cards in tow that evening.
The only bummer: So many people love Calvert he's backordered and won't be our new kitchen table until October. But, as they say, true love waits eh? I'll live on photos and my copy of the purchase receipt until then.
...Yep, I took a video in the store. I was that crazy person.